Monday, February 21, 2011

An Open Letter to Jennifer Love Hewitt

Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt,

We need to talk about your wardrobe. I’ve been silent long enough. This absolutely has to stop. You’re pretty. You’re young. Why keep dressing like a teenager that has no idea what she’s doing?
First of all, let me say that I get it. When these pictures surfaced, I was just as confused as you were. Why were people hounding you? I’m positive that the biggest reason “curvy” girls get scrutinized is due to the fact that most of the general public doesn’t recognize that “curvy” is not a politically correct term for “overweight”. “Curvy” girls like you do not have big arms or legs, which you obviously do not according to those pictures.

What I don’t get is why you have continued to employ your personal stylist. Look, I watched the Golden Globes and even though I didn’t see that Lifetime movie you were nominated for and I don’t watch your show where you see dead people, I was curious to see what you wore. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. See, you’re a smart girl. We both know that boys don’t look you directly in the eye while they talk to you (it’s a little further South). Why then would you choose to wear a crumb catcher-like pleated thing up top? I will give you points for the color (it goes extremely well with your skin tone) and I will even compliment you on the cinched waist (more on that in a second). But what’s going on? Is this part of your “I’ll make people like me for my brain” campaign? It’s not working.
I saw you on “The Talk” a few weeks ago and I’ve seen you on other shows since then. It hit me that not only do you refuse to wear a bra with straps (WHY!), you also don’t understand that you have waist, Miss. Please define it. Contrary to what you believe, you have big boobs. That means BRA and NO FLOWY TOPS. Therefore, when something makes your shirt with no structure go outwards, it will stay outwards.

Also, I’m not going to forget about when you dressed as Audrey Hepburn for your birthday. Silly me, I thought those pictures were from the set of “The Audrey Hepburn Story”. It wasn’t! You don’t see other celebrities doing a movie and somehow dressing like that person/ decade. What was that about?

I’ve seen paparazzi pictures of you that are adorable. I know you have it in you to dress better. Jennifer, the Academy Awards are next week. If you need a stylist, contact me. Until then, buy a good bra, find some clothes that fit you, and find a look that works. I believe in you.


1 comment:

My journey said...

Hey Jess its your cuzo Ash, found out you had a blog so Im gonna follow you or whatever they call it lol... Love the blog btw! ;)